I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
