I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
