Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize