Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
