Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
