he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
