come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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