Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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