This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
