My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
