Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
