I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
