Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
