i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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