Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
