When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
