I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
