I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
