So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
