At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We need to get me chipped asap
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
