Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
