This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
