I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
