you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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