Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
