shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize