You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
