ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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