i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
