I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
