how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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