I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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