people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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