Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
