Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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