I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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