guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
