her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
