found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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