Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
