He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
