Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
