A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She just used a chaser for red wine.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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