i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize