i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
