the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
