he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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