I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
