Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
