So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
