There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
