last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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