Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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