I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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