Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
