see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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