Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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