I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
