I love black thongs
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
