he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
