I wish you could order shots online.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
