She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize