my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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